Leaning Forward

Posted on by barrykjackson

We humans live ‘leaning forward’, bent towards arriving at the place that we truly long for.

We tend to understand humans/ourselves as thinking beings.

“I think, therefore I am.”

Descartes (1637)

And in part that is true, but we correlate thinking with knowledge and less with desire; we associate thinking primarily with intellect and less with love. James K.A Smith argues that instead of starting from the assumption that humans are thinking beings, we should start from the conviction that we are first and foremost lovers.

To be human is to be for something, directed toward something, oriented toward something. To be human is to be on the move, pursuing something, after something. We are like existential sharks: we have to move to live. We are not just static containers for ideas; we are dynamic creatures directed toward some end. In philosophy we have a shorthand term for this: something that is oriented toward an end or telos (a “goal”) is described as “teleological.”

James K. A. Smith, You Are What You Love

Jordan Peterson puts it like this –

“You are a creature that has an aim, you have to have an aim in order to do something. You are an aiming creature, you look at a point and you move towards it, it’s built right into you.

Jordan B. Peterson

We are all aiming creatures, always moving towards an ‘end’, leaning forward towards arriving at what we focus our hearts and desires on. Peterson goes on to note that the world shifts itself around us, in that we begin to see what we want to see, our aim organises our perceptions, our emotions, and our motivations in the day-to-day aspects of our lives. So what determines the end that we envision, what determines the goal our hearts long for?

The short answer is LOVE.

If we conclude that we are first and foremost lovers, then you can’t NOT love. So the question isn’t whether you WILL love something; the question is WHAT will you love. And our ultimate love will always take priority over any other thing we profess to ‘love’ along the way.  Our ultimate love is determined by our inner world, it is what is at the heart of a person.

“For “heart” signifies the total inner self, a person’s hidden core of being, with which one communes, which one “pours out” in prayer, words, and deeds. It is the genuine self, distinguished from appearance, public position, and physical presence.”

Walter A. Elwell and Barry J. Beitzel, “Heart” Baker Encyclopedia of the Bible (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Book House, 1988)

Tim Keller describes that heart as;

“In the Bible, the heart is the seat of the entire acting self, and the heart controls not just the emotions, but also the thoughts and the actions. Why? Because, in the Bible, the heart is the seat of your most fundamental commitments … the things you most hope in, you most believe in, you most look to, and you most live for; the things that you look at and say, “If I had that, then I would be happy, then I would have meaning, then I would have value.”

Timothy J. Keller, (New York City: Redeemer Presbyterian Church, 2013).

Behind our titles and our public persona is where we find our true self. If you take stock of what occupies your thoughts, and the feelings and motivations behind those thoughts, you will start to get an idea of what is in your heart. For example, what or where does your internal dialogue default to when you are alone or doing menial tasks?

“Our lives more in the direction of our strongest thoughts.”

– Craig Groeschel

Richard Black from Mind Health says that when we imagine or fantasise about a thing repeatedly our brains begin to find it hard to decipher the imaginary from reality. It is where our worlds – motivations, feelings, and perceptions – begin to shift and form around those desires. Those desires maybe influenced by a number of things in our lives, including context, culture, or trauma, which help fasten them to our sense of reality. But it is the nature of those thoughts that determine if the realities we envision and lean towards are positive or not, helpful or harmful.

Robert H. Mounce commenting on Romans 12:2 – do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind – notes;

“Real and lasting change comes from within. We must “let ourselves be transformed.” The transformation of which Paul spoke in Rom 12:2 is not a change effected from without but a radical reorientation that begins deep within the human heart.”

– Robert H. Mounce

Psychology and science agree that about 5% of what we do on any given day is the outcome of conscious deliberate choices. It is the tip of the iceberg so to speak, with the majority of our choices/reactions/responses coming from the learned and habitual patterns of the unconscious mind.

The unconscious mind is not formed simply by acquiring information alone but by meditating on truth, reinforced by liturgical action. Just as reading a self-help book does not help you if you do not apply any of the ‘help’ suggested, you can’t just ‘know’ your way to change. First we have to identify and own the longings deep within our hearts in order to correct our aim. 

Jesus doesn’t encounter Matthew and John—or you and me—and ask, “What do you know?” He doesn’t even ask, “What do you believe?” He asks, “What do you want?”

James K. A. Smith, You Are What You Love

You can learn new skills, you can learn persuading and inspiring rhetoric, you can dress to impress, but what do you actually want?

To repeat myself again – We live leaning forward, bent on arriving at the place we truly long for. Our loves become our unconscious desires, our desires influence our daily thoughts and habits, and our daily habits determine our tomorrows.

Are the algorithms of your life simply reinforcing the narrative of your mind?

Walter A. Elwell states that one fundamental assumption found in the pages of Scripture is that the human heart is constantly open to influences from ‘above and from below’.

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. – Proverbs 4:2 (NIV) 

Everything we do flows from the genuine self, the one behind the public appearance, the ultimate driver of our lives. It is why we should begin our transformation there, in identity defining truths and not in performance based knowledge.

We reorientate the heart not by simply acquiring external information, but by practicing habits that recalibrate our loves internally, that shift our thoughts both conscious and unconscious to a higher aim. Habits like prayer, meditation, silence, solitude, and worship, but also habits like gratitude, acts of generosity and service, feasting and celebrating with others, and the often neglected act of ‘confession’ – the discipline of regular moments of honesty, accountability, and vulnerability with trusted and safe people who can identify our blind spots.

Earlier this year I started on a discipleship journey with a small group of guys from various cultures and walks of life and one thing that consistently comes up as we share our journeys with each other is that if we stop at the thinking alone and simply try to correct that by acquiring new information, if we don’t dive deeper to find and own the desire behind those thoughts, then true lasting transformation will be harder to implement.

“Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse.” – Phil 4:8 

Pausing for a moment to ask myself the question that Jesus asked Matthew and John – what do I want? What is my ultimate love? What am I leaning towards and what is the narrative my current habits are reinforcing? It is easy to default to the ugly, the worst, the lack, it’s easy to point out the specks in my brothers eye. It requires discipline – liturgical habits even – to consistently fix our thoughts on the best, the beautiful, things worthy of praise and celebration.

If the world shifts around our aim and we only see what we ‘want’, then we would do well to reflect on if the world we currently see is the one we actually desire. 

“Aim at the highest possible good that you can conceive of. Having aligned yourself with that good, speak the truth and see what happens.”

Jordan Peterson

We are teleological beings moving towards an ‘end’ determined by what we truely love in our hearts. It begs the question deserving of honest reflection – what do we love?

Our Greatest Threats

Posted on by barrykjackson

The New Testament Scriptures tend to give religious people, often known as the Pharisees, a relatively hard time. And we follow suit, frowning and shaking our heads at them as we read.

 But they serve as a reminder of what we can become if we do not regularly face our own humanity; we risk becoming guardians of a standard, rather than ambassadors of ‘The Way‘.

Piousness, pride, and a sense of religious or spiritual superiority are some of the greatest threats facing seasoned followers of Jesus.

I once read – The ‘sinner’ is not a foe against us, an adversary to stand against, but in Scriptural terms, a ‘brother’. 

It reminds me of the Sermon on the Mount, a three chapter long section on the teachings of Jesus, where in a section he describes how his followers should treat those outside the faith and those who share the same faith.

“Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged. And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own?  How can you think of saying to your friend, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye?  Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.”

Holy Bible: New Living Translation (Mt 7:1–5).

Jesus is not condemning critique itself, but rather the criticism of others when we exercise no comparable self-criticism; nor correction.

In other words, Jesus calls out the self righteous because piousness blinds us to our own humanity. It seeks to hide our own shortcomings by pointing out the failures of others. 

We have a fatal tendency to exaggerate the faults of others and minimize the gravity of our own. We seem to find it impossible, when comparing ourselves with others, to be strictly objective and impartial. On the contrary, we have a rosy view of ourselves and a jaundiced view of others. Indeed, what we are often doing is seeing our own faults in others and judging them vicariously. That way, we experience the pleasure of self-righteousness without the pain of penitence.

 Stott, J. R. W (1985). The message of the Sermon on the mount (Matthew 5-7): Christian counter-culture (p. 178). Leicester; Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press.

Like I said, Jesus isn’t opposed to the idea of critique, correction, or telling the truth, quite the opposite in fact. But what Jesus is addressing is the correction of others when we have not first taken the time to assess and correct ourselves. We should look at others through a lens that incorporates an understanding of our own brokenness AND God’s grace at the same time. How we view the world, others, and our place in it effects everything, and part of having a healthy understanding of all of it only happens when we first address the ‘log’ in our own eye. Yet, by doing that, we end up serving not just ourselves, but also others.

My mate (not actually my mate) Tim Keller notes –

“Counsellors will tell you that the only character flaws that can really destroy you are the ones you won’t admit.”

Keller, T. (2016). Prayer: Experiencing awe and intimacy with God (p. 100). UK: Hodder & Stoughton Ltd

I am a recovering self-righteous person for sure. 😆😀

To anyone who ever felt judged by me because of things going on in their world and how I responded towards you, intentional or not, I am genuinely sorry. I know that pain.

In my own journey I was faced with a number of choices, to deflect, to shift blame, to fight…but mainly thanks to the wise counsel around me, cos God knows hiding from the world was on the cards, I attempted a different path. 

For me, rather than focusing on the faults of others as a means to get through, I tried to honestly face myself. With the help of some professionals, support from leaders and friends, I looked long enough in the mirror to own my own weaknesses/vulnerabilities, and to begin to address them. At the same time, identifying what was not mine to carry was important in the process. 

Why does that matter? Because one other great threats that followers of Jesus face, is shame. Accountability is key, because where there is no accountability shame brews stronger. Personally I think that where we see accountability in place we should allow accountability to do its thing, step back and simply offer love and grace. There is much to be said about shame, but to keep a long blog from being longer, it is the devils work for sure.

Simply –  shame kills confidence, relationships, ambition and dreams, it erodes creativity and healthy self-esteem. Shame doesn’t develop people into disciples and we should proactively work to eliminate it wherever it shows up. 

Once again…when we become guardians of a standard rather than ambassadors of ‘The Way’, we build a shame culture rather than a grace culture. Shame leads to death, grace leads to life.

Jesus is the way, the truth and the life. A good reminder that we are called to be like him, not be him. To model him the best we can, to walk in ‘The Way’ so others may also follow, and to guide where permission has been given. 

Whether it is self-righteousness or shame, the threat is to see the ‘sin’ first, but the call is to see the ‘brother’. 

 

Resurrection & Me

Posted on by barrykjackson

The act of remembrance is important because remembrance is not just about the past, but about the present.

We remember where we were, so we know where we are. We remember our mistakes, so we know what we have learnt. We remember what we lost, so we know what we have found. We remember moments of success, heartache, and joy (to name a few) because they offer directions on how to live in the present. And this matters because how we live in the present determines the future we move towards.

And so, at Easter, we remember the death & resurrection of Jesus because as mentioned, it affects our present, how we live in it, and subsequently, our tomorrow’s.

It is an opportunity once again to really stop, to think, to recalibrate. So here are some thoughts on what it all means to me.

One of my favourite thoughts from Walter Bruggeman, which has been so helpful for me in my journey, is –

“The riddle and insight of biblical faith is the awareness that only anguish leads to life, only grieving leads to joy, and only embraced endings permit new beginnings.”

W. Bruggeman – The Prophetic Imagination – 2nd ed

It is one of many mysteries within Scripture which declares that alongside desolation lies the potential for glory, alongside agony, resurrection.

We will all experience ‘Friday’ in some capacity in our lifetimes.

Ideally, we would like things to be more black and white. To know that bad things really only happen to bad people, or because of bad people, but reality says otherwise. And if the disciples of Jesus are anything to go by, the line between good and bad, right and wrong, success or failure runs through us all; we all succeed and fail and that should bring some comfort to any of us who struggle along the path of discipleship at times.

However, what we find in Jesus is that Friday is not the end, but that if we are ‘in Christ’ (to use an Apostle Paul term), it can be the pathway to new life, new beginnings.

It doesn’t lessen the pain, but to believe in resurrection is to believe that death is not all powerful, that beyond despair, beyond heartache and loss, there really is hope.

This does not mean, however, that we will always feel this truth deep down. Faith is at least partially about keeping going despite what we feel today, tomorrow or the day after. Living the resurrection life includes expecting the sudden, powerful presence of the risen Jesus in the midst of our uncertainty and loss but trudging on whether we feel this presence or not.

P. Gooder – This Risen Existence: The Spirit of Easter

Belief in the resurrection is an act of rebellion, it is a refusal to accept things as they are, a refusal to believe that the world, that I, can never change.

Belief in the resurrection should alter how I see the world, how I see myself, how I see others. It involves seeing life where there appears to be only death, possibility in the impossible. The church should be life identifying rather than death discovering. We should be a people that see, draws out and celebrates life in others.  Every act of generosity, selflessness, honest humility & faithfulness should be celebrated and encouraged.

For me, the resurrection means death does not have the last word. It means my worst day does not have to have the final say in my life, that my lowest moments don’t have to be my legacy.

It means the darkest night is not the end but that it can be an agent of transformation.

It means what I do now matters.

It means hope is not lost.

It means looking for life in others.

It means living expectantly that the God who raised Jesus from the dead can, and is, raising me and my family into something new – into life again.

It means I believe he can for you as well.

B.

 

 

A Christmas Poem

Posted on by barrykjackson

I didn’t wake up to the sound of kids excited to see what’s under the tree.

I didn’t wake up next to my wife excited to give the kids our gifts.

I didn’t wake up having to entice the teenagers to get out of their beds so we could open the presents before church.

I didn’t wake up to the sense of excitement and joy lingering in the air.

There was no laughter, no smiles, no hugs, no sound that filled the morning.

For the first time since I can remember, after 41 years of life I woke up on Christmas Day in my house, alone.

A not so subtle, a not so gentle reminder of what has changed.

My journey is different now.

My people, my friends are different now.

I am different now.

I no longer yearn for what has been, I now long for what it is to come.

I am reminded today as we celebrate His birth, that because of Him a new Barry is emerging, a new ‘birth’ so to speak; and while I have paused for awhile to readjust myself and my direction, I am now moving forward again.

It’s a different Christmas, but it’s Christmas all the same. So alone or crowded, thanksgiving is my aim.

Merry Christmas World.”

B.

I

Posted on by barrykjackson

Though I have failed, I am not a failure.

Though I have made mistakes, I am not a mistake.

Though I have been judged by many, forsaken by some, lied about by a few, I am not rejected by one.

For all the things I have done well & for all the things I have not; I am still enough, I still have value.

Not because my efforts suggest so, that reality has been made public enough, but because Jesus has determined it so. It is me he loves, not my ability to be good.

So regardless of my best efforts or my worst mistakes Jesus fights for me, and for more, because I am his.

Therefore I continue to dream, to adapt, to grow, to forgive, to move forward; slowly, but forward all the same. Leaning into the evolving future I imagine is possible because my value and worth remains a constant.